In case you were wondering...

I decided to write this because I felt that a number of the comments that I make in the blog can be interpreted in a number of different ways. Some of the ways they are interpreted are flat out wrong. You see, not everything is up for interpretation.

I feel that those things that are not up for interpretation are the major elements of my life. Marriage, Work, Fatherhood, Family, Faith and Politics are some of those elements for me. What follows is a brief dump of thoughts about each of these and how I believe or feel about them.

When doing this, I went for the 'one take' approach. Minimal editing and no attempts to be clever.

A few points that have to be said first:

• I am not unique in my uniqueness.
• If life were like a box of chocolates, the possibilities would be limited and you would be able to determine the probability of what you were going to get. Therefore, while it was a catchy phrase, mama was wrong.

• I am not trying to be anything. I am just trying to be. As trite as that may sound, that is the deal. I have gotten to the point where I just don't want to give a crap about the stuff that I don't want to care about. There is not enough time for all of that and it is just a waste of energy. That could make it boring for the people around me but let's face it, I am not your path to anything (happiness, satisfaction, wealth, security). That is your job. I may just be in the mix somewhere.

None of this is in any order whatsoever. Just the way it was entered.

Work:

Most of the comments are written in the blog when I am at work. As a result, this tends to put a bit of a spin on things that make look like I hate my job.

But, I don't hate my job. My job has a large number of things that I do not like about it, but I don't hate it. In fact, the number of things that I like about my job have to do more with the work itself rather than the career that is is encapsulated by. I work in the construct of a strange personnel management system that is shared by only seven thousand other people in the world.

The stress of this odd personnel management system and the way that it affects my career (which causes it to get in the way of my job/work) is where most of my frustration comes up. I just want to work. That is all I have ever wanted to do. But, the line of work and stage of life I am in dictates that the work be framed in a career. Having a career is a separate job in itself that requires time, effort, planning and (ugh!) paperwork.

To sum this up. If I really hated my job, I would quit. I have no interest in being THAT miserable for a chunk of my life. I have never worked FOR money and don't plan on it anytime soon. Money to me is a byproduct of doing something I enjoy that takes care of my family. It is a balance that works for me.

Faith:

Yes, I believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I believe in Heaven, Hell, the Devil, demons and all that other stuff too. I believe in life after death in one of two places (Heaven or Hell) and I believe (although I am a lousy practitioner of) in the power of prayer.

I lead a life pockmarked with sin and stupidity. I have to ask forgiveness.

Often.

I feel that I am an example of Christian reality and am willing to talk to people about how a Christian can struggle with life like everyone else and still believe the things I believe.

I know that I have had long periods of my life where belief and actions were far apart and am grateful to have gotten through them. I also know that more times like that wait ahead for me like bear traps hidden in the brush.

And, I know that how I should react to these approaching traps has already been modeled, explained and taught by a dude that died nearly 2000 years ago.

Politics:

Conservative, but willing to listen to whatever as long as it is rational and not entirely based on how YOU feel about something. How YOU feel about something does not change how I feel. Your explaining in universal terms (meaning, not all about YOU) how YOU feel about something to me is how I LEARN about your viewpoint.

Where that leads to is not up to YOU.

Family:

Family is critical. It is the grounding point for me.

Granted, sometimes with the kids yelling and screaming, 'grinding point' is more like it, but alas...such is being a parent.

Family is all you have left at the end of the day that is yours but not you.

As such, I feel it is important to explain that family vs. work is not a battle I am willing to fight. Family will win. Family vs. work obligations is another thing. If I am deployed, that is something that I took an oath to do. My family is aware of this.

But when it comes to the choice of how many hours of work I pile into a weekday, or weekend, or weeknight, or vacation, or holiday...well, that is not negotiable.

This is why. When I die, they will replace me at the office. Sure, there will be a card, and visitors to the funeral home and residence. Maybe even some flowers and casseroles for the family to eat. But, the brass tacks are, I will be replaced. That is how it works.

However, when I die, I am not replaceable by my family. I am sure my wife can find a new man to marry to be her husband (please at least wait till my ashes are cold, honey) to provide her with a relationship and love and all that other stuff. Likewise, my boys can find a new father figure to help them grow up to be faithful, conscientious, moral and grounded men.

But not replaced.

Marriage:

Things that are wonderful can be wonderfully simple to explain.

She is mine and I am hers. We are best friends and can talk with each other without fear of judgment or reprisal. I couldn't ask for a better person to spend life with.

Being A Dad:

Admittedly, I am selfish with many things. Time with hobbies, time with my wife, etc. So, being a Dad has got to be the hardest thing I have done and will ever do. All things compared to it are minimal.

Example: The other day I had to run a mile and a half in under 16 minutes for a physical performance test at the office. I had not been training and am overweight. I drink coffee like I breathe air. When I go up the stairs too fast, I am breathing hard by the time I get to the top. So, I scheduled the test to be be within 5 hours of finding out I needed to take it and that was that.

When I was running, I visually focused on just one object in front of me, ignored the test proctors and just ran. Keep in mind that you have to average over 5.5 miles per hour to get this done. That means any amount time you spend walking (average walking speed is about 3.5 miles per hour) means that you really gotta get at it sometime later, and if you are not in shape for it, you are screwed.

Why am I writing all this? To explain the point that I made the distance based on this fact: If I had to run that distance for one of my kids (or my wife or other family members) I could do it. I KNEW that I could do it. I knew that mentally focused on that one thing, my body would take care of the rest. I didn't think about how I was feeling at that moment or worry that I would not make it. Because, I was going to make it. There was no other option.

Being a dad means recognizing that at times there is no other option. That it is not about you anymore and that someone else is depending on you as a provider, an example, a teacher, a caregiver, a monster chaser, a playmate, a friend, a safe haven, a disciplinarian, a listener and a parent.

Not much in life can compare to that.